Hoover, Damn

(or Dwarf Gets Hoover Stuck on Penis)

A dwarf has had his penis stuck in a hoover at the Edinburgh Fringe festival.

Daniel Blackner, or 'Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf' was due to appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his penis. The attachment broke, and Blackner decided to use superglue to attach it.

You can guess the rest.

This is not the first time someone has had this problem, the following is mercilessly ripped from the excellent Straightdope:

"Case 1--A 60-year-old man said that he was changing the plug of his Hoover Dustette vacuum cleaner in the nude while his wife was out shopping. It 'turned itself on' and caught his penis, causing tears around the external meatus.... Multiple lacerations of the glans [were] repaired with catgut.

"Case 2--A 65-year-old railway signalman was in his signal box when he bent down to pick up his tools and 'caught his penis in a Hoover Dustette, which happened to be switched on.' He suffered extensive lacerations to the glans.

"Case 3--A 49-year-old man was vacuuming his friend's staircase in a loose-fitting dressing gown, when, intending to switch the machine off, he leaned across to reach the plug; 'at that moment his dressing gown became undone and his penis was sucked into the vacuum cleaner.'"